1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize