Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
