I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
