smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize