I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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