She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
