she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
false alarm. still invincible.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone came in the potted fern
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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