Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
