he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize