i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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