Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
