I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Alive.
So much puke
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
