Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
