i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
