wakey wakey hands off snakey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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