things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
