Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
