Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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