I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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