i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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