the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize