More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
