maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
