Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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