i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
