i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
