i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
