All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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