she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize