I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
