I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize