Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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