Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
