are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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