when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
