I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize