i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
