I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
