So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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