At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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