Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
