She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
