I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
