I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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