how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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