Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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