that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
