Need sex. Gaining weight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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