How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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