I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
