I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
