I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
