OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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