There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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