Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
