i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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