I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize