I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
