i just had sex bonerless
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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