Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
