One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
