I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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