yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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