I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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