he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
