I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
