May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
