Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
