operation harelip BJ is a go
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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