There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize