just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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