omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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