Sry I called you an 8
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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