watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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