her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
