at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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