shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize