hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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