even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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