My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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