i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
