You really coming over, don't trick.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
