ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
