whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
