grandma shit on top of the toilet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
