I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
