I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
