She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
