i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
