who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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