I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
